


Typical Tuesday

by spiderine



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gallows Humor, Sex Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderine/pseuds/spiderine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just what it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Typical Tuesday

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about that post I just did about Wade and Vanessa (which I can’t be arsed to link, so just read back in my Tumblr), and wondered what a typical Tuesday with these two would entail if they were both still working their chosen professions.

Vanessa walked in, kicked off her heels, tossed her purse on the table and tossed herself onto the bed, face down in a pillow. 

Wade came out of the bathroom naked, toweling himself off. "Honey, you’re home!“ he sang. "How was your day, dear?”

“Don’t touch me. I had two anals and a toesucker today.”

“You love the toesucker. He’s a regular. Just this morning you were telling me how much you like Toesucker Tuesdays.” He threw himself onto the bed, facing her as she rolled over and smiled at him. "You said he gives better toejobs than me. That’s hurtful language, we don’t use that in this house.“

Vanessa couldn’t help but laugh. She hitched up her tight little skirt and, straddling him, leaned forward to fold her arms across his chest and flutter her eyelashes an inch from his face. "You have teeth.”

Wade ran his fingers up her legs, his nails lightly scratching, catching on her hose. Her ho’s hose, he thought happily. "Pardon me for having perfect oral hygiene.“ He looked up at the ceiling. "That’s an oral sex joke, for those of you playing the home game.”

Vanessa sat up and gave him a playful slap on the chest. "You’re doing that again.“

He looked up at her and nodded. "I’m breaking the fourth wall.” Turning back up to the ceiling, he said, “Reader, I tongue-banged her.” He rolled over, taking her with him so he ended up on top. She twined her legs around him, grinding on him through wet panties. "Meanwhile, in manly, manly heteronormative displacement, I killed a drug lord last night.“ 

"Very manly,” she agreed, writhing. 

“I also totally bled on all the towels, sorry.”

Vanessa scrambled up to a sitting position and hit him with a pillow. "You bastard! You only did that because you know it’s my turn on laundry!“

"Hey, hey!” he yelled in protest, slap-fighting the pillow away. "I soaked! Cold water in the bathtub!“ He slid down until he was face to face with those soggy, soggy bloomers. He nuzzled in and pulled them aside with his teeth. "Back to my impeccable oral hygiene.”

She pulled him up by the hair until he nestled on top of her, dick poised right at the gateway to the Happiest Place On Earth. Her arms slithered around his neck. Eyes dark, she leaned up and whispered in his ear, “The only oral fixation I want is pizza.” She rolled them both over and rolled out of bed. "Olive and pineapple, right?“

As she went to grab her phone from her bag, Wade groaned and looked down at his sad, stiff dick, all dressed up, nowhere to go –-

He looked at the ceiling. "That’s just a figure of speech right now, kids, but rest assured that I never go to a party improperly dressed!” Then looked back at his dick, which was now wearing a condom and a snazzy bow tie.

Vanessa, on the phone with the pizzeria, didn’t notice any of that. But she knew him well enough to yell over her shoulder, “Don’t pout at your prick, honey. I’m getting onion rings. We’ll play ring toss.”

 

_Wade rolls over to one side to look at you – yes, **you** – and sighs dreamily, “And you wonder why I love her?”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Then he sits up and leans forward, arms resting on his knees. "Aw come on,“ he says to you. "You didn’t really think there were people in the ceiling, did you?”_


End file.
